Casual Hex

So, we’ve been in our new home for almost a month. And Aegwyn is 24 days old. Lots of good stuff. We also had our first sleep over for the kiddos— well, one of the kids’ friends was here Friday night. The rest were either grounded, previously scheduled or something.

I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m completely exhausted. I’m not even able to pay attention to some of the best days of my life because my brain stopped functioning properly some time last week. I’m not the most positive guy to begin with, but I try. It’s required more than trying lately though. I’m having to turn it all up to maximum just to function and now, even that isn’t enough.

I’m falling behind. What little annoyances one has to always deal with kids because kids are kids has become a nightmare. It’s not fair to them that I’m so grumpy and so easily annoyed. But they are so used to having everything their way… I can’t take that any longer either. This weekend the next door kid was over quite a bit. Wow! That’s what I want the boys to be like! He was nice and considerate and amazingly intelligent. He’s never been around me before and from the first moment he caught and returned every joke I threw his way. It was great fun. Sure, it’s possible that he’s a pain in the backside to his own parents, but he’s great here in our house.

I’m meandering and wandering aimlessly but I’m literally going cross-eyed while sitting here and typing, typing away. My head hurts. It hurts a lot these days. My big, painful headaches that had disappeared for quite a while are back.

One thing I’ve really wanted for a long time is coming true next week— the kids will be here with us for the whole week, even during school (er, before and after school… I meant not during vacation time). Why? Their Dad and his new wife will be off on their, er his, honeymoon. He planned the wedding, he decided where, how and when it would be and he decided on the honeymoon. I bet his wife is so happy to have someone decide everything for her. No more worries.. ever! Anyway, the kids will be here and.. now, it’s gonna completely zap me dead. The timing for something I’ve really wanted that’s now happening couldn’t be more wrong. I’m way passed the “take a deep breath, 1, 2, 3…” stuff. I’m drowning and don’t see a way up.

Yes, yes.. I know. I’m doing a whole lot better than I feel like I am. It’s just a lot to handle— quite overwhelming. I’ll be fine. We’ll all be happy. But right now, at this moment… and for days now.. that seems to be far, far, oh so far from the truth.