Archive for February, 2007

Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic
as of a father to a daughter.  In love to our wives there is desire;
to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something
which there are no words to express.  ~Joseph Addison
 

Whatever evils penetrated my life over the last few weeks to leave me feeling like I couldn’t go on any longer seem to have vanished. Since Monday everything seems to have found its place again. I was so exhausted, so unable to keep up with the tiniest tasks and so, so miserable, but now all is good. I guess I’ve found my groove here in the new house and with my daughter.

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daughter, parenthood

Reading what I posted last night I feel quite guilty complaining about the big changes in my life over the past month. The main issue is that I have a hard time dealing with big changes. And what’s not so big for most people is a gigantic mountain for me. Aegwyn is nothing but an amazing blessing to me. She’s the most wonderful addition to my life next to Christina. I wouldn’t trade her or her Momma for anything. But Aegwyn has indeed been the biggest change in my life that I’ve ever faced. I’m on edge all of the time whether she’s sound asleep, wide awake and playful or screaming her head off because she’s hungry, needs changing or simply wants attention.

… many, many minutes later …

As stressed out as I’ve been at times, there’s times when everything is quite the opposite. Like this afternoon; I don’t know what’s changed or how I got here, but it’s been a peaceful, enjoyable afternoon. Tonight we head out for Micah’s basketball banquet. I fit in with the Lacey’s Spring crowd like Sid Vicious at a Red Hat Society luncheon but for now, getting out is getting out and it should be pleasant enough.

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daughter, parenthood

So, we’ve been in our new home for almost a month. And Aegwyn is 24 days old. Lots of good stuff. We also had our first sleep over for the kiddos– well, one of the kids’ friends was here Friday night. The rest were either grounded, previously scheduled or something.

I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m completely exhausted. I’m not even able to pay attention to some of the best days of my life because my brain stopped functioning properly some time last week. I’m not the most positive guy to begin with, but I try. It’s required more than trying lately though. I’m having to turn it all up to maximum just to function and now, even that isn’t enough.

I’m falling behind. What little annoyances one has to always deal with kids because kids are kids has become a nightmare. It’s not fair to them that I’m so grumpy and so easily annoyed. But they are so used to having everything their way… I can’t take that any longer either. This weekend the next door kid was over quite a bit. Wow! That’s what I want the boys to be like! He was nice and considerate and amazingly intelligent. He’s never been around me before and from the first moment he caught and returned every joke I threw his way. It was great fun. Sure, it’s possible that he’s a pain in the backside to his own parents, but he’s great here in our house.

I’m meandering and wandering aimlessly but I’m literally going cross-eyed while sitting here and typing, typing away. My head hurts. It hurts a lot these days. My big, painful headaches that had disappeared for quite a while are back.

One thing I’ve really wanted for a long time is coming true next week– the kids will be here with us for the whole week, even during school (er, before and after school… I meant not during vacation time). Why? Their Dad and his new wife will be off on their, er his, honeymoon. He planned the wedding, he decided where, how and when it would be and he decided on the honeymoon. I bet his wife is so happy to have someone decide everything for her. No more worries.. ever! Anyway, the kids will be here and.. now, it’s gonna completely zap me dead. The timing for something I’ve really wanted that’s now happening couldn’t be more wrong. I’m way passed the “take a deep breath, 1, 2, 3…” stuff. I’m drowning and don’t see a way up.

Yes, yes.. I know. I’m doing a whole lot better than I feel like I am. It’s just a lot to handle– quite overwhelming. I’ll be fine. We’ll all be happy. But right now, at this moment… and for days now.. that seems to be far, far, oh so far from the truth.

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daughter, parenthood